A lot has been said about work spaces and cubicle farms. Millennials don’t like cubicle farms and would rather have collaboration space. Some companies have gone from using cubicles to just setting up tables and the workers have to just find a space to do their work. The following comments are meant for any of these types of work spaces.
As much as the people that create the Gallup Poll would like you to think everyone has a “Best Friend” at work, the reality is your co-workers aren’t necessarily your friends. You’re all there to do a job, sometimes you have to collaborate and sometimes you work by yourself. Either way your co-workers are fighting for that same performance review, the same performance raise and the same praise from your boss that you are. It’s very rare to find co-workers who aren’t out to take the credit for any and every idea that’s successful or be quick to tell the boss you were late getting back from lunch. The reality is, as much as you can keep your ideas, your comments and your goals to yourself so you can take credit for a job well done.
Here is some news to some people, conversations in a cubicle farm or open work environment are not private. It doesn’t matter how tall the walls are, I can hear you. I can hear you telling your boyfriend he needs to trim his pubic hair before you’ll give him another blow job. I can hear you talking like a baby to your 10 year old and I can hear you telling your potential new employer that you do all the work around here and get no credit for any of it If you’re having an issue remembering that, just remember these song lyrics from the ‘Til Tuesday: “Hush hush, keep it down now, voices carry” In other words, if you don’t want the water cooler talk to be about your sex life, find a private room to talk about how many guys or girls you boned on the weekend. I don’t want to hear it.
If you walk up to someones cubicle, check to see if their on the phone or ask if their busy before unloading your crap onto them. I can’t tell you how many times co-workers have come to my cube and just started spouting off about this doesn’t work, I need that done today, all while I’m on an conference call. Have some respect for others and realize they don’t just sit there waiting for you to show up with some work for them to do. I can’t count how many times I’ve missed something on a conference call because some douchebag co-worker thinks their issue or reason to talk to me is more important than what I’m doing. Consider that the person may be on the phone with a vendor getting the issue fixed that you are coming to talk to them about.
You may have enjoyed that salmon dinner last night so much that you wanted to have some more for lunch today. News flash, it doesn’t smell differently today than it did last night. It smells like you haven’t showered in a week and your dog puked in your lunch sack. Those of you that must bring leftovers for lunch, reheat them in the cafeteria and eat it there, that’s where those smells belong. The reality is for every person that brings a lunch that somewhat smells good, there are at least 2 or 3 that smell like ass. The flip side of that is, when your done, seal up what’s left or throw it away in the garbage cans in the cafeteria. When you throw it away at your desk I can still smell it, that wall between us does not keep smells contained.
That leads me to farting at work, I can hear and I can smell it. If you don’t want me to laugh or make jokes about it then don’t do it at your desk. Same with belching or sneezing. If you must sneeze like a spastic chimp, then be ready to have people comment on the show.
If you’re sick, STAY HOME!!!! I don’t care if you have something that needs to be completed, work from home or pass it off to someone else. Those of us who aren’t sick don’t want whatever plague you’re bringing to work. If you have a fever, cough, diarrhea, sniffles or whatever it is, just stay the fuck home. When you come to work you start a chain reaction that can last for months and guess what, you may become sick again. Don’t be patient zero.
I’m ok with personalizing your work space, but keep it tasteful and minimal. I don’t want to feel like I’m walking into the dollar store every time I have to come talk to you. I also don’t want to hear about the latest gadget or niknak that you outbid someone for on EBay. I don’t care, I just need to get my work done.
If you are cold everyday then bring a fucking sweater or jacket to work. Complaining everyday to people who can’t do anything about the temperature of the building is not only annoying but a waste of breathe. Do what you need to and wear what you need to so you’ll be warm while you work. Wearing a sleeveless top and short skirt because it’s cute doesn’t help because, THAT OUTFIT WON’T KEEP YOU WARM!!! Use your brain and some common sense when you get dressed for the day. It’s not rocket science people!
That’s all for now, hope you all have a great evening!